Princess Elaine In Action.

i feel like i'm the most horrible person alive. i dont want to try anymore. can i not be me, please? i really really hate who i am. why is it always like this? is it my fault again? i cant ever make it right again. its too late. please, just, stop. i dont need the pain.

im a coward. but if being a coward can avoid having to face the reality i really want to be one. i need courage. either to take up a penknife or to jump off a building or throw myself in front of a bunch of speeding cars. i dont care anymore. i just need courage. i am so tired. really tired this time. more than anyone else. i cant take this anymore. i need to talk to someone. now. but who else can understand who i really am inside? stop me before i really do something.

part of me is laughing at myself for being like those people on tv, those people that i had laughed about so lightly. but i cant do that now. i dont know if i had already become one of them. will i get past this, or will i give up before that? im not emo, im just freakin sick.