today's all souls day, so went to church in the morning. the priest was using saving private ryan as an example lol. i dont like that show. i mean yea its nice and touching but i think its really stupid for everyone to die in order to save 1 person and not like he is some great person please so sad that everyone else has to sacrifice their lives to save his ass. life is so so so unfair yknow yknow?!?!

after brunch went on a 2hour to choa chu kang to visit daddys columbarium. my kor totally called it an adventure cos it was so hard to get there. but ahwells its been really really long since we visited daddy. if we could we would have gone as often as we can sometimes i wish i could just go there and just talk to my dad's column all by myself when i feel especially troubled. well of course its kinda creepy if there's very little people there but... its peaceful yay[:

i'm so glad we went out to do something as a family..its been real long since we did something tgt. was talking to my kor all the way which was pretty enriching. i like talking to my kor. he brings me back down to planet earth. even though he totally places himself in a good spotlight whenever he can. lol. i'm still troubling over my my subject combi and JC CCAs. i mean whatif whatif whatif i dont get into MAD? theres a high chance i dont. but somewhere in my heart i think i will. but i souldnt be so confident when everyone else secretly thinks i cant even though i feel i can.

so, anyhooo

went AMK Hub after cos kor wanted to check out phones at singtel. mannn like prices have not gone down]: so i think he's gna settle for samsung soul. then went to this hawker centre at jubilee to eat. mann do i miss hawker food! i ate western food though hahah but ist so worth it like 5.50 for this super huge plate. and the carrot cake and sugar cane and fishball soup was gooood. plus he place is surprisingly clean and not too noisy.i rly wanna bring my frens there but i doubt my frens would want to go explore this kinda things which is pretty sad cos i dont just wanna eat fast food or expensive diners everytime we go out. i bo lui ah! but i feel oblige to follow the majority. i mean i dont want to seem hogging something or imposing my ideals on people again. sometimes my intention is really good, but in eyes of other it just comes out wrong. which is pretty frustrating because its purely outta my character to share all my true feelings and ideas. but then i've probably learned lesson whichs tells me i should be really careful with my words and actions because you never know what others might think. white could turn black anytime. so sometimes things happen which makes me think whether there is something terribly wrong about the way i am.

came home and had a huge row with my mum. over something stupid. ok i shouldnt have raised my voice but she made me angry first! then she goes on and on about how rude i've been lately. which made me even angrier and made her even more upset. then she becomes very upset. like the angriest she has evr been with me. thats why now i'm lost and i'm talking too much because i am sad. i probably should just write her note and apologise then maybe she'll forgive me but she seems really angry. sighh i hate quarelling with family. or anyone else for that matter. cos i'll end up detesting myself and i find myself desperate to make up which makes the whole quarrel pointless.

gawd tell me if you finished this post because i think my blog is really for me to spread out my thoughts and converse with myself. it has absoslutely no entertainment value.

and this is less than a fraction of my troubles currently.
sometimes i feel that nothing ever turns out right in my life.
am i being too pessimistic? or isit PMS? or teenage angst?
idk cos i really feel like the road that i travel alwyas turns out to be the tougher one.